It’s a known fact that dawn arrives every morning after a long dark evening, and no matter how far away something is, eventually the day arrives and the dawn brakes and you have also arrived at whatever you were waiting for.
Such is my life at this very moment, dawn will be rising literally at 5am tomorrow for me, finally (not an excited finally, more a deep breath sigh of finally) my surgery has called and I will be laid on the table in the experienced hands of my miracle doctors tomorrow.
I can’t quite believe that this is happening to me, but why wouldn’t it? bad things happen to good people all the time, but haven’t I already suffered enough for 3 lifetimes? apparently not, and I stand tall and brave for my son, and my friends, and also for me because being brave for everyone else, also gives me the greatest courage to go on.
Unfortunately I do not have support from those who should support us most, but why would I think that life threatening surgery would have them rally around, and put their own differences aside? what a great sadness they bring to my life.
A cancer friend on the phone last night told me that her surgeon said that this surgery which she is also awaiting the dawn of, will take a full 12 months recovery, I was told 6 months, I wonder if a positive attitude counts for anything?
It doesn’t really matter anyway, it will be whatever it will be, and I will climb over whatever the mountain is that they put in front of me, because there is a lot of life left in these crumbling bones and I still have a few things to do.
This is me today, in the raw nakedness of all that stands before me, I do not know fear because I am not afraid, God has stilled my spirit, and there is a calm that no one understands.
Stillness and peace is the best way to describe how I feel, as the comfort of God’s embrace surrounds me, His assurance gives me strength, His hope gives me a reason to live and if I don’t a celebration and welcome home will be my reward.
I cannot even fathom or understand how anyone can go through such a testing trial without the assurance and loving kindness of God, yesterday I had 3 different people on two separate occasions call around to my house and humble themselves in prayers for me and for Ashley and for the guidance of the surgeons hands.
What an incredible blessing to receive such love from friends who all said it was their privilege to pray for me, they actually thanked me for allowing them to pray.
Christians are like that, selfless and giving of all that they have, I have no doubt that they will continue to pray for me, and I will be hedged in pray for the entire time that I am in surgery, God will not be able to ignore all of that chatter, he will have to send angels to guide, comfort and protect me.
If you are reading this and you are one of those people who are praying for me, I just want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, mountains can be moved when people pray, and surgeons can perform miracles under the most difficult of situations.
8 – 12 hours in surgery is a long time, I’m just glad I will be doing the resting while it is all going on, the hard part will be the bits after. But I’m not worried about that, It will be no more than I can handle, God has promised me that, and I trust His word.
I might not get a chance to write for a while, and the Question a Day that I started earlier this year will have to wait, but that doesn’t stop you or I for that matter asking ourselves questions every day.
It’s only by asking questions that we find and uncover things that we didn’t know that we didn’t know, and I love finding hidden things even if its in a tucked away corner of my own broken heart.